Waiting for labour! Excited!!!

My baby girl is already 37 weeks +...
Doctor say if no bloody show, amniotic sac doesn't break until next week, then baby girl will most probably be born on end of this month, that means about the due date, neither earlier nor later.

Seriously, I'm both excited and scare... Even normal delivery also very pain ( what i heard from the others) leh!!
I'm not sure whether I can tahan for 6 hours and above de labour pain. OMGGG!!!
Hope when the time come I'll know it is true labour pain not false labour pain~~~

Can u see baby's feet, eyes, hand, nose and mouth?
She was sleeping at that time. Yawning during the 4D Scan! =D
Can't wait to see her soon !!! <3

~ Lost direction ~

Well, with the help of Eugene, finally I knew what I got for the 1.5 years studies in TARC.
Only god know how I feel.
Not to say that I already give up my studies, just at that moment ( during exam period on NOV'11) I got that feeling that  I can study again and again if I'm fail, but I wouldn't have 2nd chance if I lost my baby just because of too tired.
Mayb I'll admire those who get As in their results, mayb I'll be regret in future since I didn't put on full effort on my studies, but I just can't imagine if I lost my baby...
I'm sorry Mom since I know you'll be disappointed with me.
It's hard for me to choose either one. Just blame it on me.
I just hope my baby girl will born healthy and happy, and I can promise u and me myself I'll further my studies~
I just wouldn't stop at A-Level~
I still haven't give up! Yeaaa i know! And...
God knew about it!
God bless me! ♥


I'm here to promise that I'll go for uni/col in 2013!

February faster come come come!!!

This is the first time I sooooooooooooooo hate holiday!! =(
Really feel like nothing to do, so lifeless. Everyday eat, sleep, play.... =.='''
Want to work but someone call me to stay home and don't go anyway, what the...........
Hate boring lifestyle!!!!!


Just went to hospital for 4D scan for baby's face on Thursday.
Unfortunately,


























we can see baby's face! Coz she is sleeping with her hand covering her face. So sad. 
My baby girl just don't want to let us see her. Haha! 
Need to wait until end of December and go for 4D scan again~~ =D
However, as she is growing bigger and bigger, I became happier and happier. ^^
Now baby almost 1kg, everything okay, healthy, happy, punching me all the time when she is awake. Haha!
Just can't wait to see her. February faster come please!! XD

Once in life time - WEDDING!

After busy for one and a half month, I had my wedding buffet and morning ceremony. ^^
Before this I'm kinda tension because of those prepare wedding stuff. Fortunately, my wedding ceremony go as smooth as the plan. 
Thanks to all my sisters and brothers! Love you guys! ♥ ♥ ♥
And thanks to all the sweet wishes too! I'm so happy.


Maybe this wedding doesn't match my dream, my husband doesn't fulfil those prince's criteria( rich, handsome, 5C, etc) , however, as I choose to marry to him, I believe I had made the right choice in my life. He is the one that I want!  


I feel so touching when I saw hooi shan, kui lian, ding xian, etc come to my house. Tears almost fall off... :'(
And here is some of the photo on 29th August. 

Cambridge FML

I screwed my chemistry practical exam today. Down ~~~
At first I thought it should be okay for me. I just treat it as normal practical.
But, again, my ASSUMPTION is WRONG!
I had not enough time to complete it. I aimed to get an A for my Chem.
I don't know how to express my feeling. I didn't put much effort in the exam.
Sometimes I feel like want to be hardworking, but it just can't be that.


It is the first time I got the feeling of guilty since I started my school-year long long time ago.
Since I started my A-level, I always felt down, sad, and disappointed.
I don't know why.
Really. Sometimes I feel like I'm  not studying for me myself, is just to achieved what my Mums want me to do.
Just to make her happy.


However, mummy I'm sorry. I had to make you disappointed for the first time. Sorry.
I'm here to promise you, I will try my best best best in my A2.

INSOMNIA

两天了，都睡不着。 很烦。烦他做工的东西，也烦自己的东西。
就是觉得很压力。明明很累却睡不着。
是我要求太高，还是。。。。？
我知道你对我很好，很疼我，可是有时我还是会埋怨。
最近开始觉得我们没像一开始时那么甜蜜了。有些东西，久了，就变了！
一开始，你去哪里做工，睡前，睡醒时，到家，在做什么等等，你都会跟我说。现在呢？
我开始觉得，住在一起，并没想像中那么好。
相处久了，任何事情，都变成一种习惯了。甜蜜不再！平平淡淡。
是祸，抑或是福？！！
感觉失去方向了。。。

我想要的，很简单，就是----回到最初~~~~
当初的甜蜜，当初的快乐，当初的温柔。。。
我不想再争吵了。我很累很累了。

20th April - One Year

Every year I'll be in the extremely down mood in April. For me, April is not a good month! Sometimes I just struggling whether to let my friends know or not to do so. There are two incidents happened that makes me got melancholia. This is the 2nd. I knew that I can't control my emotions sometimes, or rather, all the time. (Whatever u think it is.) I hate people discuss about the topic of abortion when you don't really know it. Sorry. I just can't understand why did someone want to talk about it when they don't really knew about the situation. I hate people who critics about me. Do you really understand what kind of situation is a mom facing when deciding whether to save the baby or let it go??

At 18-4-2010, it is the most happy day in my life. I have my baby. I went to hospital for medical check-up and yet, they told me that I'm pregnant. 2 months. But, again, the good news doesn't last longer. Because I doesn't prepare for the pregnancy, I doesn't know that I'll pregnant, I had made a largest mistakes in my life.


Before I'm pregnant, I had continuously eating this medicine --  isotretinoin. From the link here you will know more about the SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS of this medicine. It causes miscarriage, premature birth and death of the foetus! What the hell? They don't even told me the side effects are so serious. They only told me that the side effects are dry skin and lips, fragile skin. ONLY THIS TWO EFFECTS! Should I blame them? Or blame myself? Or both of us?


And because of this medicine, I've suffer severe stomach pain when I'm pregnant. I can't sleep well during the whole period of my pregnancy. I even having period when I'm pregnant! The doctor tell me that the baby wouldn't be as healthy as other babies when she/he born. And this may cause mental problems of the baby. I want the baby. I really think that want to work and born the baby. But, this fucking isotretinoin had killed my baby. I was struggling all the time when I knew all this.


20-4-2010, it's a day that I'll never ever forget about it. I had abortion in a hospital. (For those who want to critics me, go ahead. I don't mind!) Waking up early in the morning, feeling extremely down, head faint, vomiting,etc. When I was waiting in the room, I really wanna run out of this. I feel guilty. Another woman just told me to be calm and wait. She said: Girl, no matter how you situation is, since you've made your decision, you have to do it. Everything will be fine after this. (But I'm here to say that I'm not fine, even it's already happened a year ago.) Then, I went to the surgery room, and I saw the machine. There is a tanker inside the machine to keep all those blood. It was scary! And the doctor help me to inject some kind of narcotic/drugs.


When I wake up I only felt serious pain on my belly. And yet I know I had lost my baby. I just cry at bed. Cry and cry and cry. For the following weeks and months I'm suffering from the effects of abortion. Easily fainted, pale, feeling uncomfortable without any reasons, sadness, stress, grief, guilty, etc etc. 


Most of my friends advice me not to tell others about this as some of the people are close-minded and will critics me badly. After a long time of consideration, I decided to admit bravely if someone ask me whether I pregnant before or abort before. I feel that it is unfair to my baby if I deny his/her existence. It's my fault, not her/his fault. I won't forget about the day. I won't forget about you, how you make me feel when you was inside my body. Forever and ever.